Uwe Boll does something awful to another critic

by Ludwig Kietzmann { Sep 25th 2006 at 9:55PM }

Anti-filmmaker Uwe Boll has beaten another one of his critics completely senseless -- and this time it was in a boxing ring, not a darkened cinema. Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka of Something Awful infamy was the second to fall to the raging Boll's flying fists in a PR-driven series of boxing matches. Like any dignified artist, Boll vowed to silence critics by punching them in the face, proving once and for all that ... well, we're not sure what exactly this proves. We know he's a good boxer, at least.

In a video interview after the match, Kyanka amusingly points out that he now detests Uwe Boll not as a movie misdirector, but as a human being. According to the pummeled pundit, Boll offered to give his victims training beforehand and promised that his punches would be just for show. Quite apparently, that was not the case (video embedded after the break). Regardless, it now becomes clear that critics played right into Boll's gloved ham-hands. The selected participants arguably never stood a chance, something the video game violator well aware of in his struggle for Pyrrhic victory. Punching out a critic does not make his films any less craptacular and the whole fiasco has made him look like a fight-makes-right psychopath.

1UP contributor, Albert Art, snapped some pictures at the event and even conducted a brief interview with Boll. When asked why he continues to make video game films, Boll responds with an enlightening, "I keep doing video game based movies because look why not, all the comic-book get made into movies, even comics that sold 2000 copies there are movies out from it, why like big famous videos games shouldn't turn into movies." That about says it all.

[Thanks, albertart and VGM!]

Read - Something Awful's forum responds
Read - Albert Art's event coverage and interview
Watch - Video interview with Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka after the match
Watch - Boll's previous boxing match

Tags: Alone in the Dark, AloneInTheDark, boxing, Ed Wood, EdWood, House of the Dead, HouseOfTheDead, Lowtax, Something Awful, SomethingAwful, Uwe Boll, UweBoll

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

Andrew @ Sep 25th 2006 10:04PM

According to Lowtax, Boll also refused to fight one of the critics when he sparred with him earlier and it turned out he was an actual amateur boxer.

WedgeTalon @ Sep 25th 2006 10:10PM

Yeah, why not? Let's make movies out from everything!

Ok, back to my videos games!

demonjester @ Sep 25th 2006 10:10PM

i hate uwe boll and i hope that soemone will beat him. i bet he is feeling pretty good right now that he has been beating up unathletic out-of-shape web nerds. woot! first post!

Usedtabe @ Sep 25th 2006 10:10PM

Well, I can't stand Uwe Boll. But I am a full believer of not talking mess about someone unless you can back it up. If you can't kick his ass, don't claim you can, and don't talk crap about him, becuase obviously you can't back up your talk.

Another thing, If it becomes obvious your opponent is no longer "playing by the rules", follow suit. Turn it into a streetfight. Don't get your ass kicked and then whine about it in writing later.

Judd @ Sep 25th 2006 10:13PM

Playing Devil's Advocate:
Uwe Boll proved his point. Ok so his movies suck, but he came out and made the offer to box any of his critics. The best way to make him look like an idiot is for the critics just to ignore him. They could've just said the truth "Wow, Uwe Boll is gonna use his boxing skills as a defense for his movie skills, that's retarted." Instead they thought that Boll just randomly chose boxing, and "hey I have no boxing experience but I could probably beat him". Uwe Boll made a challenge, the critics accepted, and they lossed. Think of it this way, if Boll lost, Joystiq would make fun of him even more for losing at his own challenge, so why are we mocking him for winning?

Judd @ Sep 25th 2006 10:20PM

Wow, I misspelled "retarded", I guess that makes me look like a retard.

Blake @ Sep 25th 2006 10:22PM

He is being mocked because he is a retard that somehow learned to operate a camera...

Spider-Prime @ Sep 25th 2006 10:27PM

He just doesn't get it. People just don't want movies made of their favorite things, they want GOOD movies made of their favorite things.

SaxyGator @ Sep 25th 2006 10:29PM

"When asked why he continues to make video game films, Boll responds with an enlightening, 'I keep doing video game based movies because look why not, all the comic-book get made into movies, even comics that sold 2000 copies there are movies out from it, why like big famous videos games shouldn't turn into movie.'"

Mr. Boll than proceeded to punch the interviewer in the face.

dp @ Sep 25th 2006 10:30PM

Hope u got 10 bux.

Cyborg771 @ Sep 25th 2006 10:55PM

Good, now he will have something to do when he is permenently barred from working in the film industry.

BennoWii @ Sep 25th 2006 10:36PM

^#10
forums are public right now

killploki @ Sep 25th 2006 10:41PM

that guy deserved to get his ass kicked just for dancing around looking like an idiot. the longer i watched that the more i wanted him to just get knocked out. i love the way his defense is to fall down and turtle.

Dr.Swiss @ Sep 25th 2006 10:52PM

Yeah, there's rumours floating around the internets that Boll hand picked all the people he wanted to fight and told them it would all be a fun PR stunt.

Not only did he refuse to fight one once he found out the guy could actually fight, but he also fought a minor who had to have emergancy assistance afterwards.

Can anyone tell me if this is true or fake?

John H. @ Sep 25th 2006 11:43PM

Boll is extremely lame, but you'd have to be even more lame to agree to fight him, even if it is "just for show." You're only giving him publicity by doing so, and lord knows the man has enough as it is.

msdarnell @ Sep 25th 2006 10:59PM

Well, we are seeing direct effect taking place here.

Internet nerds talk shit, and feel safe behind their keyboard when they talk about kicking somebodies ass.

They just found out that clever does not equal tough. I really don't understand why they thought they could beat up an ex-boxer. They make their living on the internet, you'd think they would've Googled that info beforehand.

VGM @ Sep 25th 2006 11:00PM

13.

That sounds like rumor to me. Lowtax even said that he decided to take Uwe up on his offer when he jokingly said something along the lines of boxing people because theyinsulted his movies...

Ha, I have respect for Lowtax now. He's awesome plus his short movie "Doom House" was hilarious. Uwe Boll=suck. He said in his interview with IGN that he wants to just have fun making movies, and that's cool and all, but he sucks at doing it >_>

jack thompson @ Sep 25th 2006 11:03PM

National news

Sept. 25, 2006, 6:58PM
Suit blames video game for N.M. slayings

© 2006 The Associated Press

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Family members of three people slain by a 14-year-old on newsman Sam Donaldson's New Mexico ranch sued the makers of the video game "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City" on Monday, claiming the crimes would not have occurred had the teenager never played the violent game.

The $600 million lawsuit names several companies and Cody Posey, who it alleges played the game "obsessively" for several months before he shot his father, stepmother and stepsister in July 2004. Posey, now 16, was sentenced earlier this year to state custody until he is 21.

The games and others in the "Grand Theft Auto" series depict police killings and other acts of violence. The lawsuit calls various editions of the game "virtual reality murder simulators."

"But for Posey's use of these products ... he would not have killed," the lawsuit claims.

The game trained him "how to point and shoot a gun in a fashion making him an extraordinarily effective killer without teaching him any of the constraints or responsibilities needed to inhibit such a killing capacity," according to the suit.

According to the suit, plaintiffs' lawyer Jack Thompson was told by a sheriff's deputy that the game and a Sony PlayStation 2 were found at the ranch.

Posey had told police he shot his family after his father, the ranch foreman, slapped him for not cleaning horse stalls fast enough. Prosecutors described Posey as a ruthless killer, but his lawyers claimed his father had abused him for years.

The plaintiffs accuse the corporate defendants _ Sony Corporation of America, Take-Two Interactive Software Inc. and its subsidiary, Rockstar Games _ of a "civil conspiracy," saying they should have foreseen their entertainment "would spawn such copycat violence."

"We believe the suit is without merit and we will strongly defend the company," Take-Two spokesman Jim Ankner said.

The Associated Press left a message Monday at Sony's New York headquarters seeking comment.

The lawsuit was filed by Verlin Posey of Texline, Texas, representing the estate of the teen's father, Delbert Posey; and Pat and Leona Basham of Elephant Butte, parents of Tryone Posey and grandparents of Marilea Schmid.

Thompson also is the attorney in a $600 million Alabama lawsuit against Rockstar, Take-Two and Sony that blames "Grand Theft Auto" for the 2003 murders of two police officers and a dispatcher at a rural police department. Devin Moore, now 20, was convicted of murder and sentenced to death in that case.

Mike @ Sep 25th 2006 11:14PM

Does anyone know if it really is Jacko who keeps posting his self-promoting press releases in completely inappropriate threads?

VGM @ Sep 26th 2006 4:57PM

18

I seriously doubt it.

LaughingTarget @ Sep 25th 2006 11:19PM

The funny thing about the whole Jacko situation is just how easy it is to get something on the Associated Press wire. They've been propogating urban legends for years and, if formatted properly, any one of us can get a news article posted through the AP. We can easily make up a news article that talks about how video games are actually good for society and that people are suing Jack Thompson for fraud and it will get posted just as fast.

ragusauce @ Sep 25th 2006 11:37PM

Uwe was supposed to fight Seanbaby but then backed out, like a chicken, at the last minute.

subnet6 @ Sep 25th 2006 11:37PM

I'm no fan of Uwe's movies and I don't agree with some of his rumored tactics, but I certainly agree with this whole boxing charade.

I have read alot of online reviews of his movies simply because I follow alot of gaming related media. I must say, the critics are absolutely merciless. Its ok to be critical of a bad movie. Uwes in particular open themselves to a lot of criticism.

However, many times, these blogger-come-critics take it too far. I think if a reviewer makes a comment like "this movie is so bad Uwe should get his ass kicked", or "If I ever see Uwe Boll in person, I'll punch him in the face!", or something along those lines, they are going too far. Ok, so the guy makes bad movies. So what. So does Michael Bay but millions of people go to them every other year. The thing is, it seems that "Uwe getting his ass kicked" is getting to be the en vogue reaction to many of his movies. That being the case, I say Uwe has every right to make such a challenge, PR stunt or not.

Bloggers, (movie reviewing bloggers in particular) are always pushing to be taken more seriously, yet they often do or say things that can't be taken seriously. Well, it seems someone took them seriously. His name is Uwe Boll.

msdarnell @ Sep 26th 2006 12:05AM

Hey, Jack, how is Janet Reno doing these days?

Splorky Fish @ Sep 26th 2006 12:07AM

It seems on the surface that Uwe Boll is a huge idiot who can only defend his poor movie direction with his fists. I think the point that we are tempted to overlook is that Boll pretty muched owned many of his critics.

We can say that it is sophomoric for Boll to challenge his critics to a fight, but how much more sophomoric and idiotic is it for his critics to accept? We can say that Boll is using this whole situation as a PR stunt, but what do we think the other competitors are doing? Do you really think they are there becasue they think they can win the fight, or even enjoy boxing? Based on the physiques of the two challengers I have seen so far, the answer has to be no.

Clearly, they were looking for the publicity at least as much as Boll, if not more. For Boll to say "Hey I beat up some guy who a few people know by his online moniker" isn't that big of a deal. For a guy at SomethingAweful.com, even fighting Boll and losing is a wildly successful publicity stunt. At least Boll has an excuse, as he is considering using film from the events in a future movie.

I'm not saying that Boll's decision to his quibbles with critics through publiciized boxing matches was the morally correct course of action. I would like to suggest, however, that Boll certainly comes out of the situation looking better than his critics.

Put yourself in his situation, getting constantly ripped apart by a horde of faceless internet critics. Even if the criticism is sometiems warranted (especially if the criticism is warranted), I think that a lot of people in Boll's shoes would jump at the chance to do what he has done.

DannyHibiki @ Sep 26th 2006 12:10AM

I don't think any of the critics claimed they were going to kick Boll's ass, or said he should be punched out for his horrible, horrible movies. As far as I know, nobody thought they had a chance in a real fight, none of them had boxed before except for the seventeen year old. (And he had only sparred, no real matches)

Lowtax's goofy dancing, etc., was there to entertain the people who showed up basically. Maybe the people who attended for just the pro kickboxers later would realize how stupid this PR event was, and how much Oo-vay was an actual jerk, not just a shitty movie
maker.

PS to Jack T., since everyone in the media realizes how much of a crazy asshole (good idea to comment in a Uwe Boll article ha ha ha) you are, nobody really gives you any merit. Hope you have fun manipulating grieving families! Shine on your crazy, mouthbreathing, greedy diamond.

ManekiNeko @ Sep 26th 2006 12:19AM

Is Jack Thompson a self-worshipping, homophobic nincompoop with no concept of personal responsibility? Check one.

[ ] Yes
[ ] Yes

Annnnyway, I've got to admit that this is the best Joystiq post I've seen in a while. Love that alliteration!

JR

Jonathon Wagner @ Sep 26th 2006 12:45AM

I'd like to point out that Lowtax never critiqued Yoovay's movies. Not once. Plus, he never said that he'd kick his ass, either.

geves @ Sep 26th 2006 1:22AM

ummm firstly, we all know uwe boll is crap.

secondly, why does joystiq continue to promote that crap of a site?

thirdly, everyone should know that uwe boll was an amatuer boxer before he got involved heavily in the movie making buisness. especially these dumbasses who agreed to get slaughtered. If everyone just turned him down what would he do? call all critics cowards who are afraid to step in with a moderate amatuer boxer, while they have zero boxing experience?

it's not a sense of pride for the critics, it's a sense of pride for uwe boll. they could've simpily turned him down. i mean they're getting beaten up FOR footage of a movie being made. not to prevent a movie being made. i can agree with someone wanting to punch boll in the head.

but here's a word for the wise. don't box a boxer, in a boxing setting, when you have zero boxing background... you will get *spoiler* OUT BOXED. *end spoiler*

as much as i hate the comedy nazi's from somethingawful and i want most of them to punched in the head multiple times. i wish it would've been by someone else. but hey no matter what the result was, everyone wins!

scott @ Sep 26th 2006 1:26AM

I am no Uwe Boll fan but I completely agree with post 15 msdarnell. The only thing worse than getting your flabby ass publically beaten as bad as Lowtax did is whining about it afterwards like Lowtax did. Jesus Christ, who couldn't beat his pansy ass? Look at the guy.

Oh well, back to his internet support group.

Wild Homes @ Sep 26th 2006 1:40AM

zomfg. SeanBaby fighting Uwe Boll would just kill the world with awesome. mostly because Seanbaby would sacrifice himself to take down Boll just so his second, who I assume would be JCVD, would totally kick Boll's assistants asses.

geves @ Sep 26th 2006 2:00AM

yup and if you bad mouth something awful, the morons run in with posts like that ^^^^

inside jokes that are lame even if you are on the inside. you paid for a forum. you phail @ the internet.

ill trooper @ Sep 26th 2006 2:10AM

I'm actually starting to like Boll with all of this! It's kind of a cool plot for a movie in itself:

'Running of the Boll,' 2008, 3 1/2 stars: Filmmaker questions himself as he's questioned by the critics, introspection and public axe-grinding ensue as director, who took up boxing as a way to stay fit decades ago, degrades aforementioned critics with a few pulled punches and dizzying footwork. Eventually the public, the P.R., and even the critics themselves stop paying attention - the director awakens one morning to realize the ultimate K.O. would be to focus on his chosen craft, film-making, and humbly picks a well-crafted script and moves forward... Why, it's like combining Fellini's '8 1/2' with 'Rocky,' with a dash of Preston Sturges!

Hannah @ Sep 26th 2006 2:14AM

Well, I got sick of seeing only Lowtax's side of things, so I sent off a few quick emails, determined to find out the rest of the story.

So here you go, direct from the fingers of everyone's favourite German director:

"they both knew that it was a real fight"

"evrybody was responsible to train for themself"

So... either one of them is lying, or this is all one big misunderstanding.

Fran @ Sep 26th 2006 3:59PM

Seanbaby vs Uwe Boll..Shit, that'll be arousing. If he gets a hit, atleast. BUT ATLEAST LOTWAX WON IN SPIRIT LOLOLOLOL.

Uwe Boll is a genius. An overly emotional pansy ass cunt, but a genius troll. He'll never go away. Live with it, IMDb users.

Penny Arcade sucks @ Sep 26th 2006 2:43AM

Meh..Something Awful is rarely funny. Really just some of the Weekend Web (LOL FURRIES) and David Thorpe's shit. Other than that, 10 dollars for a shitty community of trolls who back up an idiot like this? Maybe the humour's just lost on me (as I was told my a Gamefaqs-using SA goon.)

ManekiNeko @ Sep 26th 2006 3:04AM

I see little difference between Uwe Boll beating the stuffing out of Rich Kyanka in a clearly lopsided fight, and the Something Awful hivemind shutting down less popular sites with hacking and denial of service attacks. Uwe and Rich are both thugs as far as I'm concerned... they just use different weapons.

JR

TheBigC @ Sep 26th 2006 4:46AM

So, I guess Bloodrayne and Alone in the Dark are now great movies.

aka Bitter @ Sep 26th 2006 5:40AM

Re: Ragusauce "Uwe was supposed to fight Seanbaby but then backed out, like a chicken, at the last minute."

To my knowledge, Seanbaby was never on the list of people Boll agreed to fight.
http://www.joystiq.com/2006/08/23/internet-casino-sponsoring-raging-boll-event/

Anyone who believes "It's all a PR stunt, the punches won't be real" obviously didn't see the last fight.

Poster @ Sep 26th 2006 7:48AM

9/25/2006 Global Associated Press

Jack Thompson Shatters Masturbation World Record!

It's official, Jack Thompson is the new king of masturbation. In a stunning feat of endurance and determination, Jack Thompson achieved 36 orgasms in a 24 hour period!

Sleeping intermittently during the 24 hour marathon, Jack Thompson remained focused and aroused by his impressive library of pornographic films. With over 400 films in his library and 3 televisions playing movies at all times, he had a continuous stream of footage to aid him in his quest.

It is apparent by the massive development of the muscles in his forearm that Jack Thompson is not your average masturbator. In an interview with UJ reporters after the record setting event, Jack Thompson was quoted as saying, "masturbation for me is a way of life. I've been training for this day since I was 13 years old and I'm happy with my performance today".

This record was formerly held by German Student, Hans Blickstein who achieved 27 orgasms in a 24 hour period. Mr. Blickstein was not available for comment.

When asked what his next world record achievement would be, Jack Thompson said "my immediate goal is to get a bag of ice and some lotion on my penis to soothe the burning".

Rim @ Sep 26th 2006 9:50AM

"So... either one of them is lying, or this is all one big misunderstanding."

Or its a big joke and it streamed right over you head and onto the internets.

Luis @ Sep 26th 2006 10:13AM

"We know he's a good boxer, at least."

Beating the crap out of skinny computer geeks who's only boxing experience is playing Mike Tyson's Punchout on the NES does not make boll a good boxer.

KaneRobot @ Sep 26th 2006 10:09AM

If Lowtax was retarded enough to think it wasn't legit (regardless of what someone supposedly told him), he deserves what he got and more. If it wasn't obvious that it was "legit" when the first video popped up of some guy getting his ass kicked a few weeks ago, there's not much more that can be done for him.

I guess it doesn't matter that much - it's not like Lowtax would have suddenly kicked his ass if he went out there knowing it was "real" anyway.

Know WHY that other guy needed an oxygen tank and was throwing up? BECAUSE HE WAS GROTESQUELY OUT OF SHAPE. Saying Boll caused that is nonsense - that guy would have needed oxygen and been throwing up if someone made him run a mile in less than 12 minutes.

It's too bad the one somewhat skilled pugilist was so stupid. He needed to dog it during sparring/warm-ups, then come out swinging for the fences once the real thing happened.

It's already been said - as ridiculous as Boll was for making this challenge, it just made the people who took him up on it seem even more moronic. Boll owned his loudmouthed, whining critics on this one...and that really sucks, since this had the potential to be far more entertaining than any of his films.

32_Footsteps @ Sep 26th 2006 10:11AM

Jack Thompson pops up in a thread about Uwe Boll...

Have you ever had comedy brainlock before? Where there's just so many jokes that come in your brain, you freeze up because you can't decide which one to tell? I just got that.

ghostblur @ Sep 26th 2006 10:36AM

Why do you need to box him, especially when you own a baseball bat? How is Uwe Boll against gunFU? I am pretty sure my Honda Civic Front Bumber Dragon Punch can take him. I don't have to box him to beat the man to a pulp. Gamers should be able to come up with clever ways to win a fight. Am I wrong about us being sick individuals with dark twisted creative streaks?

emceay @ Sep 26th 2006 10:54AM

Lowtax looked like he had extremely low reaction time throughout the entire fight. People who think too much, like critics, have no business fighting.
I had wondered why he started doing that cartoon-style boxing dance before he got pummeled. Being suckered into a real fight must've been a shock. Uwe Boll, is a child...

WedgeTalon @ Sep 26th 2006 11:22AM

(I apologise in advance for going off topic.)

If that really was Jack up there, I wonder if he had permission to reprint(repost) that AP story. Considering he gave no additional value to it (simply posted the entire story), if he did not get permission he is in violation of the AP's copywrite and could have legal action taken against him.

Jack, shame on you for breaking the law! Aren't you supposed to, as a Christian and as one who claims the moral highground, supposed to set an example for all of us evil gamers?